Who should you call first when getting divorced?

(Call a Divorce Coach first, not a lawyer)

If you’re listening to this, there’s a good chance you’re facing one of the most difficult decisions of your life. Maybe the word “divorce” has been spoken aloud for the first time in your household. Maybe you’ve been thinking about it for months or even years. Maybe you’re already certain this is the path forward, or maybe you’re still trying to figure out if this is really the right choice.

Whatever stage you’re in, I want you to know something important: The very first call you make matters more than you may realize.

Most people, when they decide to divorce, immediately reach for the phone to call a lawyer. It makes sense. Divorce is a legal process, after all. But here’s what I’ve learned, both from my own experience and from working with countless people navigating this transition: The most strategic, supportive, and transformative first call you can make is to a divorce coach.

Let me be clear: lawyers are absolutely essential to the divorce process, and good divorce attorneys provide invaluable expertise and protection. We’re not suggesting you skip legal counsel. Instead, we’re talking about the strategic value of starting with a divorce coach first.

What Is a Divorce Coach and Why Start There?

A divorce coach isn’t a lawyer or therapist. They’re your strategic thought partner who helps you think clearly when everything feels like chaos. While your attorney focuses on protecting your legal rights and navigating the court system, your divorce coach focuses entirely on your transformation, clarity, and future, helping you move through the process more confidently while protecting what matters most.

Think of it this way: when you eventually meet with your attorney, wouldn’t you rather show up organized, clear about your objectives, and asking the right questions? That’s exactly what working with a divorce coach first makes possible. You’re not replacing legal counsel; you’re preparing yourself to work with them more effectively.

Research shows that individuals who receive comprehensive support during divorce demonstrate better long-term adjustment compared to those who navigate alone or with only legal support.

The $75,000 Mistake Strategic Planning Prevents

Let me share Mike’s story. After a brutal fight with his wife, she asked for a divorce. Devastated and angry, Mike packed a bag and left that same night. No custody arrangements, no strategic thinking, just emotional reaction.

The consequences were devastating: By leaving without establishing custody arrangements, Mike created a legal precedent. His wife became the primary parent by default. When he finally saw an attorney six weeks later, the damage was done. His impromptu decision cost him significant custody time and created lasting trauma for his children.

A divorce coach would have helped Mike pause, breathe, and think strategically: “How do I get space while protecting my custody rights and reassuring my children?”

The Hidden Financial Landmines

Beyond obvious legal costs, divorce has hidden financial traps:

Immediate costs most people miss:

• Moving expenses (first/last month’s rent, deposits: $4,000-$8,000)
• Utility deposits for new residences
• Basic household necessities and furniture

The big three financial disasters:

1. Incomplete asset discovery (missing hidden accounts or investments)
2. Tax consequences (retirement accounts vs. cash aren’t equivalent)
3. Retirement account mishandling (QDRO requirements)

Studies show people who work with divorce coaches spend 30-50% less overall, even after coaching fees, by avoiding costly mistakes.

The ROI That Pays for Itself

Divorce attorney rates: $350-$650+ per hour Divorce coach rates: $150-$300 per hour

But the real value? Coaches prepare you for legal meetings, making them efficient and focused. One client estimated her coach saved $50,000 in legal fees and prevented $75,000 in financial mistakes while moving through the process six months faster.

My Personal Mistake: What I Wish I’d Known

During my own divorce, I focused entirely on logistics while telling myself I’d “deal with emotions later.” This mistake extended my process, clouded my judgment, affected my parenting, and impacted every area of my life.

The truth: Inner work isn’t separate from practical steps. It’s the foundation that makes everything else possible. You can’t put off transformation until after the legal work is done.

Your Strategic First Call Action Plan

Questions for potential divorce coaches:

• What’s your background and training?
• How do you work with legal and financial teams?
• What does success look like in your coaching relationships?

Free preparation resources:

• Financial asset inventory worksheet
• Timeline planning template
• Communication scripts for difficult conversations
• Values clarification exercise

Your Transformation Starts Now

Divorce isn’t just an ending. It’s the opening of a door to a version of yourself that could be stronger, clearer, more authentic. But transformation requires intention, support, and guidance.

Before you call the lawyer, before major decisions, before getting swept up in legal proceedings, reach out to someone who can help you get grounded and navigate with wisdom.

Your first call matters. Make it strategic. Make it count.